5 Movies That Will Make You Feel Like You Have Friends

Some nights, it's time to scroll through that romcom section of Netflix and pick the one with the schmaltziest monologue delivered in the rain.

But other times, it's not so much the romantic itch you need to scratch... 

It's that feeling of being welcome, accepted, and gently roasted like chestnuts over the open fire of your friends' wits.

If you're hankering to feel like one of the gang, here's the best romcoms to watch when you need to feel like you have clever, fashionable, loyal friends who always know what's best for you.

1. Under the Tuscan Sun

I'm not even sure this one counts as a romcom. 

It's really about Diane Lane making friends with Italians, and if you don't want that in your life, I don't understand you.

2. Clueless

Most of the pics around this technically "romcom" are of Cher and her friends, and for good reason: although Paul Rudd is a dreamboat in flannel, he's still like, her ex-stepbrother? So the romance is a little weird.

It's fine, because we don't focus on it for too long. Mainly, we watch Cher on her journey to becoming a better person and friend, and that's what we really wanted (besides a kiss with Paul Rudd which I'm more than fine with). 

3. Bring It On

I didn't even remember this one having a romance. All I remembered was cheerleaders being friends and winning championships while saying clever things.

The characters in it are generally good people trying to do good things (except for the necessary baddies). 

10/10 would cheer for it.

4. Must Love Dogs

Okay, yes, it's Diane Lane again. She's great.

The real stars of this film, though, are her sister/whole family and John Cusack's best friend. 

The two leads spend like, hardly any time together, and everything that comes out of John Cusack's mouth is problematic, BUT the supporting cast is adorbs.

Plus, dogs.

5. Heathers

And we round off the movie with another feel-good high school comedy about girls learning the true meaning of friendship! 

Go ahead and go watch it if you haven't, you'll love it and definitely feel good and not at all bleak.

(Nobody tell the people who haven't seen it what it's actually about)

(JK trigger warnings are important. This is a joke, this movie is GREAT but actually a very very dark black comedy)

Tag urself, I'm #mustlovedogs.

Alternative Life Path #2: Consumptive Courtesan

Rat race got you down? Stressed between your desperate attempt at an unreachable artistic immortality and your literal need for food and medical care? Bored of tv?

Follow this simple guide and you'll be on your brand new life path in no time!

1. Move to Paris.

This may seem like an expensive first step, but you have to consider it an investment. There's no better place to find aristocracy, theater owners, and artists to pay for your upkeep.

Edouard Manet, Nana, 1877

2. Be charming, brash, and bold.

Pretty soon, you'll find men are throwing money at you and all the tabloids want to write about you. Ka-ching!

Make sure to be true to your own personal style while you talk up potential gentlemen in the balcony seats.

Liane de Pugy, bisexual Belle Epoque courtesan-authoress

3. Live a fast-paced lifestyle that weakens your immune system.

Everyone will think your red cheeks are a charming and pretty sign of excitement and exertion, while they're really a sign of a popular deadly disease.

If this step is taking too long, hold a "consumption party" (real thing, look it up).

Marie Duplessis, "The Lady of the Camellias"

4. Have a fight with your primary lover.

He should be a poor artist who understands your true nature better than the fashionable, rich men you usually bed.

However, you should also fight constantly, so make sure his understanding of your true nature is not too understanding.

Greta Garbo and Robert Taylor in Camille (1936)

5. Die in silk pajamas.

Heighten drama by being abandoned by all of your so-called friends, or go the opposite route and be surrounded by mourners who wish they'd appreciated you more.

Marie Duplessis's tomb

Tag urself, I'm #liveafastpacedlifestylethatweakensyourimmunesystem.

10 Ways to Sound "Well-Read" Without Ever Reading

I know you're busy. I understand. I also know you want to impress people with your intelligence without them being all judgmental about the whole not reading thing. 

These simple tips will have you looking like the intelligentsia in no time! Just be wary, the philosophers and academics are the first to go after the revolution comes.

 

1. Instead of saying "I didn't read [insert book name], it's too long," say "I didn't finish [insert book name], it's full of gratuitous filler." 

You definitely could have finished Moby Dick. You chose not to. For aesthetic reasons.

This is a real art print for a children's room... Strange inspiration.

2. When someone asks if you've read a specific book, say it's not in your milieu. 

That means you're rejecting it socially, instead of rejecting it in favor of Disney+.

3. Describe small tasks as "The Hero's Journey."

Went to the store at a busy time? You accomplished the Hero's Journey. You're basically Odysseus.

4. Also, compare yourself with Odysseus. 

He's a guy who went on a really long trip and left his wife to handle everything on her own. Next time you get into the car for a long drive, shout boldly, "Like Odysseus, we struggle onward!" before you start driving.

5. Respond to requests with "I would prefer not to."

It's from a short story.This guy decides to stop doing things. It's about existentialism. And like, why do stuff? He's a folk hero for people who don't have to work to feed themselves. Use his catchphrase to up your cache.

6. Refuse to read "popular" books. 

By avoiding books and repeatedly telling people you're avoiding them, you'll appear even smarter with no work. Avoid whole genres this way! SciFi, Romance, Historical Fiction, everything really!

7. Recommend bookstore cafes. 

They're so hot right now. For bonus points, get a latte and sit in one for a while. No need to open a book. Talk about the aesthetic.

8. Put literary quotes on your Instagram. 

Be mindful of what they imply. Shakespeare quotes imply you have feelings. Ernest Hemingway quotes imply you're a white man with things to say. Jane Austen quotes imply you have a sense of humor. Be ready to back that up!

9. Call a book "derivative." 

Since all stories are inspired by thousands of years of human storytelling and at least several hundred years of novels, everything derives somewhat from previous work, so it works for anything.

http://www.sfcenter.ku.edu/SF-Defined.htm

10. Replace "episodes" with "chapters".

"I got through 23 chapters last Saturday when I was depressed at home. Yes, 23. Only took me 11 1/2 hours."

10 Quick Ways to Feel Like a Heroine in a Novel

Let’s face it- life is dull. Books are exciting. Things happen to people in them, and people have feelings. Exhilarating!

Bring that kind of excitement into your daily life with these quick ways to feel like a heroine in a novel. Romance and adventure not guaranteed.


1. Dye your hair brown. 

Getting the right shade can be difficult. It needs to look to you like the plainest plain of the plain browns, but to others like a sumptuous chestnut shade. Give those exact instructions to your hairstylist.

Anne Hathaway in any movie is a great example.

2. Lock eyes with a stranger across the room. 

They can be either an attractive or menacing stranger. Preferably both.

3. Have a huge spat with your friends and family, causing a temporary to permanent separation, putting you in a liminal space where you undergo new experiences and meet new people who bring you to a new stage of self-awareness.

4. Trip and fall. 

Bonus points if you get an injury as well as an illness that keeps you in bed for weeks. Make sure your mom knows to let the love of your life sit by your bedside in concern.

5. Be an orphan. 

If you’re not already an orphan, this step can be tricky, but a true plucky heroine never gives up!

6. Move to a new school or, if you can’t move right now, fall in love with the new kid. 

If he’s pretty gross, start by being enemies. Over time, your arguments will show each other your true selves!

7. Join an institution that will undermine and underestimate you. 

Such as any job at any company!

8. Seek a mentor. 

Preferably in a mountain somewhere. Bonus points if they’re cranky. If you can’t get to a mountain, you can take karate at your local community center.

9. Cultivate a dark secret or hidden sexual fantasy. 

If you don’t really have one, a quick way to get one is to borrow $20 from a friend and not pay them back. Or sell your soul in exchange for everlasting life.

10. Constantly talk about how all your friends are books, you’re so introverted and clever, and did we mention all of your friends are books?

https://me.me/i/josh-gondelman-follow-joshgondelman-not-to-brag-but-i-sigh-3e8c5c8f02e4494e9adee9df9a1d7fac

Tag urself, I'm #allofmyfriendsarebooks.