Wednesday, November 27, 2019

10 Quick Ways to Feel Like a Heroine in a Novel

Let’s face it- life is dull. Books are exciting. Things happen to people in them, and people have feelings. Exhilarating!

Bring that kind of excitement into your daily life with these quick ways to feel like a heroine in a novel. Romance and adventure not guaranteed.

1. Dye your hair brown. 

Getting the right shade can be difficult. It needs to look to you like the plainest plain of the plain browns, but to others like a sumptuous chestnut shade. Give those exact instructions to your hairstylist.

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Anne Hathaway in any movie is a great example.

2. Lock eyes with a stranger across the room. 

They can be either an attractive or menacing stranger. Preferably both.

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3. Have a huge spat with your friends and family, causing a temporary to permanent separation, putting you in a liminal space where you undergo new experiences and meet new people who bring you to a new stage of self-awareness.

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4. Trip and fall. 

Bonus points if you get an injury as well as an illness that keeps you in bed for weeks. Make sure your mom knows to let the love of your life sit by your bedside in concern.

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5. Be an orphan. 

If you’re not already an orphan, this step can be tricky, but a true plucky heroine never gives up!

6. Move to a new school or, if you can’t move right now, fall in love with the new kid. 

If he’s pretty gross, start by being enemies. Over time, your arguments will show each other your true selves!

7. Join an institution that will undermine and underestimate you. 

Such as any job at any company!

8. Seek a mentor. 

Preferably in a mountain somewhere. Bonus points if they’re cranky. If you can’t get to a mountain, you can take karate at your local community center.

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9. Cultivate a dark secret or hidden sexual fantasy. 

If you don’t really have one, a quick way to get one is to borrow $20 from a friend and not pay them back. Or sell your soul in exchange for everlasting life.

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10. Constantly talk about how all your friends are books, you’re so introverted and clever, and did we mention all of your friends are books?

Funny, Memes, and Book: Josh Gondelman
 Not to brag, but I sigh as deeply
 and frequently as the average
 heroine in a Jane Austen novel.
32 Funny Book Memes For People Who'd Rather Spend Time With A Book ...

Tag urself, I'm #allofmyfriendsarebooks.