You've done it. Said the wrong thing, insulted somebody, brought up an unpopular political opinion.
There are a number of ways to make the situation calm down again so everyone can enjoy it.
But you're a complex person with thoughts! Those thoughts are really important! People should have to hear them and have big emotional reactions to them!
Here's 8 ways to make sure you keep control of the situation by fanning the flames until it's a shouting match. That'll show them!
1. Refuse to stop talking about a topic even when explicitly asked to stop.
If the words, "No, I want to talk about this!" come out of your mouth, you've probably just doubled everyone's discomfort.
Nice work! Now all eyes and ears will be on you and your important thoughts for the next hour.
2. Use "I" statements.
Such as "I want," "I think," and definitely "I know." Be careful not to accidentally show the common ground between your perspective and the other party's.
Don't use "I feel," because it suggests your opinions are based on subjective "emotion", rather than ROCK HARD FACT.
This one only works if the situation is already past the first stages of escalation, because laughter can often be misinterpreted as a friendly or conciliatory gesture.
To avoid this confusion, only laugh at things the other party considers extremely important and not at all a joking matter.
4. Over text, use capital letters.
It takes an extra button click, but taking the time to hit the uppercase-lock will make it clear that you are yelling, even over a medium that is devoid of emotion and gives you time to cool down between responses.
5. Bring up an ex, family member, coworker, boss, toxic friend, literally anyone you've ever had a negative experience with, and accuse the other party of being anything like that person.
This works even better if you accuse the other party of being like somebody in their own past that they hate.
6. Tell the other person to calm down, be rational, or "chill."
This will immediately press their murder-button and bring the convo up ten notches rage-wise.
7. Ascribe their feelings to causes that aren't you or this conversation.
"You had a tough day at work, that's why you're upset," and "Don't take your liberal rage out on me because Trump's president," both work very well.
8. This one might be a surprise!...
Say, "You're entitled to your opinion."
It translates to, "That's an ass-faced opinion from an ass-face," while also implicitly patting yourself on the back for being the more tolerant one. Double whammy!
Tag urself, I'm #overtextusecapitalletters.
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